In our darkest hours, we are atuned to see ourselves in deep pain over the loss of our love ones. What we cant see with our naked eyes is the grief that persist beneath. As time goes by from the tragedy, you have lived with it, moved on, and had accepted your new reality.
Truth is, the pain of losing someone dear to you unfolds over time. The loss, the candit conversations, the landmarks, and the moments will all form an irreplaceable void that lingers around you. The void will change you in every single way. And you soon realise that you are no longer the person she once knew.
My Grandmother's death fired a chain reaction of changes in me so much that I wondered if she would recognise the person I have become. She died too soon to experience many important moments in my life. She couldn't attend my graduation. She never met the woman I married. She died before I had children, and she never knew what I was really good at.
Each year after her passing, I would write notes on my sticky pad to update her on the things that matter to me most, the goals that I have accomplished, the new people I met, and how much I have missed her.
I would usually fill two pages of my diary with those sticky pads. Closer to this year's anniversary, I was anticipating the next private moment with her. But, I have also wondered what I would say next. I felt that my notes got shorter and I have fewer to say. I thought I have covered quite extensively. I felt like she no longer knows me, and I no longer know her.
Grief cannot be seen with our very own eyes. Grief changes you.
The relationship you could have were different because of their absence. Your life moves on, but their lives could not.
Time will heal, and we will learn to let go.
And when everything else is over, you will live in abundance.